In news guaranteed to make you feel old, that hot mom you fancied at school has become a great-grandmother.
Stacy, who you pretended to be friends with at school so you could ogle her mother, has had a child who has, in turn, had a kid of their own in the time it’s taken you to get a shared house and a car with two years of payments left on it.
At the same time her mother, who you would wonder if she was back from her business trip, has made a successful career for herself whilst caring for her family as a single parent.
“Oh, Stacy’s little friend from school?” she said about you. “I remember him! The one who’d come round, cut our lawn really badly and then wank in our pool?
“I didn’t take too much notice of him, to be honest. I was too busy with work after I decided not to rely on a man again.
“I’m glad Stacy didn’t end up with him after she went to University. Doesn’t he work in the postroom of one of our offices now?”