Wednesday 16 May 2018

Definition of insanity to include ‘queuing outside for five days for a wedding you’re not invited to’


Royal Wedding fans in Windsor

Medical professionals have insisted that queuing outside for a glimpse of a wedding you’re not invited it should be added to the definitions of insanity.

As crowds gather in Windsor ahead of Prince Harry’s wedding to Meghan Markle, those already waiting on the streets have been reminded that they don’t know these people and are most certainly not on the guest list.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t matter, does it,” explained Royal superfan Simon Williams draped in a union jack flag adorned with Harry and Meghan’s faces.

“I will spend the next four days outside in the elements negotiating with pubs and coffee shops to let me use their toilets, all for a momentary glimpse of someone I’m not even tangentially related to.

“That is perfectly normal behaviour so I don’t know where you’re coming from with all this ‘insanity’ nonsense.

“There is literally nowhere I’d rather be for the rest of the week. You can keep your five-star hotels on luxury islands, I’d much rather be living like a homeless person while dressed like Nigel Farage’s Patronus.”

Experts in this sort of thing have insisted that while it is perfectly normal to be happy for people you don’t really know, spending multiple nights on the streets in the hope of seeing them is definitely not.

As one explained, “There is a very fine line between royal wedding fan and insane stalker, and so far it seems the only difference is whether or not Harry or Meghan is willing to call the police.

“There’s not a court in the land that wouldn’t convict.”

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