Terrorist organisation ISIS has announced that far-right activity Tommy Robinson will be their new press secretary, after doing such a sterling job attributing every possible incident to the publicity-hungry Islamic extremists.
The move comes just hours after Robinson gave ISIS credit for an incident at Oxford Circus where nobody was hurt, and no shots were fired.
Though the appointment is a surprise to many, media experts have insisted it makes perfect sense to anyone who knows anything about media promotion and the aims of ISIS.
Media consultant Simon Williams told us, “You have to look at what ISIS actually want. And what they wants is for you to be scared – and they do that by making you think they’re hiding around every corner trying to kill you.
“Whereas Tommy Robinson wants to fight ISIS by keeping you all scared of ISIS and making you think they’re hiding around every corner trying to kill you.
“Despite being on the brink of defeat, the losers inside ISIS would like to take credit for every stubbed toe and paper cut suffered by anyone in the west, and Tommy Robinson can’t wait to blame ISIS for every stubbed toe and paper cut suffered by anyone in the west.
“We’re not sure how much they’re paying him, but we imagine he’s well worth it. Considering how much ISIS like to be talked about on social media, the sort of publicity Tommy gives them just can’t be bought.”
Robinson himself has rejected the reports, telling reporters, “The claim that I’m working for ISIS is fake news! I hate ISIS, but they ARE hiding under your bed waiting to KILL you in your sleep. And they hid your car keys. And they made the milk go bad in your fridge. They definitely did ALL of those things.
An ISIS spokesperson said, “That’s perfect Tommy, just perfect. Keep up the good work.”