Daily Mail staff turn off their Fisher Price computers after another busy week of entirely factual journalism

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Staff at the Daily Mail are currently turning off their colourful toy computers after another week of distributing facts like they’re going out of fashion.

Simon Williams, who is Head of the Making Sure Everything Is Truthful All The Time department at the tabloid, switched off his ‘My First Computer’ and headed outside shortly after 8pm.

“Well, that’s another week of presenting just facts and no hatred at all out of the way,” he told us proudly.

“It is hard work to make sure we only report the truth and to remain free of political bias, but with my team of qualified, unbiased professionals behind me anything is possible.”

He went on, “The main thing is to thoroughly investigate everything before releasing any sort of report, be that on Twitter, the world-renowned MailOnline, or our printed newspaper.

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“Obviously we had a slight hiccup this evening over the whole ‘fabricating a story about a lorry mowing people down after a rumour of gunshots’ mishap, but no-one is perfect, right?”

Stepping into a taxi he was heard to say, “Right, where’s the nearest bar? One without Muslims or immigrants, please.”