As the Coronavirus crisis deepens, Britain’s moron threat level has been raised from “Moderate” to “Severe” as it’s feared that in a desperate attempt to try and seem in control, the frequency of Boris Johnson’s appearances on TV and radio will escalate dramatically.
In a bid to re-establish its position as the poshest of the mainstream high street supermarkets, Waitrose has announced it is to take a leaf out of Home Secretary Priti Patel’s book and introduce a new points-based admission system before allowing customers into its stores.
The Met Office will be hoping for something considerably more tangible than “42” after newly appointed business secretary, Alok Sharma, announced a spend of £1.2 billion pounds on a new weather supercomputer.
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