Tuesday 10 March 2020 by Sinead Mallen

Britain’s Moron Threat Level raised from ‘Moderate’ to ‘Severe’


threat level moron

As the Coronavirus crisis deepens, Britain’s moron threat level has been raised from “Moderate” to “Severe” as it’s feared that in a desperate attempt to try and seem in control, the frequency of Boris Johnson’s appearances on TV and radio will escalate dramatically.

Simon Williams, Professor of Idiot Studies said at Kettering University told us, “Obviously with the situation worsening almost by the hour, even Boris will not be able to hide away completely, and therefore I’m sorry to say that we will undoubtedly see him turning up and acting as if he actually has the first clue about what’s going on.

“Telling us not to be doomy or gloomy, to roll up our shirt-sleeves, adopt the wartime attitude that saw off Hitler and give this nasty foreign lurgy a jolly good biff on the nose.”

But it’s not only Boris’s appearances we should develop a queasy dread for in the coming days and weeks, say experts.

It’s being predicted that as he gets increasingly further out of his depth, we can expect to see squads of sycophantic party yes-men queuing up to tell us ‘what a good job The PM’s doing and that the nation couldn’t be in safer hands’.

However warnings have been issued that such is likely to be the demand for Tory boot-licking toadies, stocks might become depleted very quickly.

Analysts are refusing to rule out the possibility, that should the doomsday scenario arrive, then even Mark Francois and Jacob Rees Mogg may have to be wheeled out.

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