Theresa May “absolutely delighted to continue with this utter f*cking shambles”

The Prime Minister is apparently relieved that she can go back to deliberately knocking Britain into a tin hat.

Theresa May won a confidence vote by 200 votes to 117, meaning she will have to continue in her role as Prime Minister.

”HOO-FUCKING-RAY” confirmed the Prime Minister, knocking back a quick shot of vermouth.

”I get to carry on doing a job nobody else will do, implementing a Brexit I don’t want, while surrounded by people who hate me.

“This must be how Piers Morgan feels every single day of his life.

“I’m such a lucky lady and I’m going to be so, SO sad to resign the minute that Brexit is done before going on the hairiest bender in human history.

“Seriously, you’ll be reminded of who Boris Yeltsin was before conceding that he couldn’t outdrink me.

“Then I’m going to hit Boris Johnson with my car.

”But yeah, as I said, DELIGHTED AS FUCK that I’m still here and acting as the epicentre of this tornado of faeces.

“Drink? Go on, I’m having one.”