Greta Thunberg statue to power two million homes by harnessing the rage of hypocritical Daily Mail readers

The University of Winchester has announced a pioneering leap in renewable energy by being able to generate electricity from the rage and bluster of right-wing dotards beautifully cornered by their own cretinous stance on the sanctity of statues.

Professor Simone Williams, from the Department of Generating Free Publicity, explained that a statue of teenage activist Greta Thunberg, coupled with micro-windmills placed in front of opinionated idiots, could deliver 1.21 gigawatts each time it’s mentioned on Facebook.

She went on, “Our research focuses on energy wastage. Every day in Britain a colossal amount of energy is created by the deep insecurity of ignorant flabby men confronted by changes in a world they are not equipped to understand.

“But what if all that spittle and gesticulation, over culture war bullshit pushed by cynical public schoolboys in tabloid newsrooms, could be used to power electric cars?

“Since nothing angers the gammonati more than seeing their own words thrown back at them, we decided to exploit their red-faced claims that statues of people they know nothing about were somehow the cornerstone of British civilisation and had to be protected at all costs.

“The hardest part was deciding who would best get them reaching for the smelling salts.

“We were torn between Greta, Meghan Markle and a bronze of Idris Elba called What Your Wife Thinks About In The Bath. After weeks of research, it turns out that the flabby twats hate opinionated women more than BAME people.

“In the end, we decided on Greta because she can get two more kilojoules than Meghan just from the body heat of creepy dullards fantasising about hurting a teenage girl.

“We called it the Nonce Boost.”

Advertisement

NewsThumpNotebooks

Somewhere to write down everything that’s wrong with the world. You may need several.

See the full collection →