Donald Trump tries to convince world he knows how to read

US president Donald Trump was up to his old tricks yesterday, after trying to convince the world that he knows how to read.

Trump was handed a note by US Secretary of State Marco Rubio informing him that a deal in the Middle East was close to completion, with the US president cleverly scanning his eyes up and down the page like he knew what the words meant. 

“It was quite the performance,” admitted political commentator Simon Williams. 

“For a second there I truly believed Trump actually had the mental capacity to read twenty words on a page. There were rumours he’d been practicing with Dr Seuss books, but apparently he gave up when ‘The Cat in the Hat’ got a bit too tricky.

“We’re still not entirely sure what Marco Rubio whispered in his ear. My guess is that it was some words of encouragement, like ‘Don’t fuck this up, moron’ or ‘Would you like me to draw a picture for you instead?’ I suppose we’ll never know.

“I’m not saying Trump didn’t try his best. You could clearly see his eyes squinting and his lips moving as he tried to get to grips with long words like ‘a’ and ‘to’. Who knows, one day he might progress onto three-letter words. There’s no limit to what he can achieve. 

“Okay, maybe three is the limit.”

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