Netanyahu: I reluctantly agree to this peace deal that gives me everything I want

Israel President and leading bastard Benjamin Netanyahu has reluctantly agreed to a peace deal with Hamas that gives him absolutely everything he wants.

“Well, alright I suppose. I accept, if I must,” said the horrendous shitbin.

“I mean, it’s only everything I want. I think I should have got some other stuff as well. I mean, I’m making sacrificing a lot here. I’m not going to be allowed to do anymore bombing civilians and I absolutely bloody love bombing civilians. It’s a right laugh. But, you know, if it makes everyone happy, I’ll put up with just getting absolutely everything I want, and agree to peace.”

The world has hailed the extraordinary genius of the Donald Trump-orchestrated peace deal.

“It’s incredible,” said Simon Williams Professor at Oxford University’s Department of Dismal Fuckers on the World Stage.

“All it took was Trump promising to give Netanyahu everything he wanted whilst simultaneously threatening to obliterate Gaza, and he’s brought about peace. What a bloody amazing man.”

The peace deal is expected to last until Netanyahu stubs his toe or loses at FIFA, blames Hamas, and launches another overwhelming bombing campaign against the smouldering piles of rubble that constitute the Gaza Strip.

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