Donald Trump cancels Gaza ceasefire after failing to win Nobel Peace Prize

Donald Trump has announced he’s cancelled the ceasefire in Gaza following the Nobel Committee’s decision not to award him this year’s Peace Prize.

Despite his great work in stopping multiple wars that nobody had ever heard of, Trump was furious to learn the Nobel Committee had the audacity to award the prize to someone else, leading the US president to immediately cancel any peace plans in the Middle East.

“I was robbed,” said Trump, tossing his homemade Nobel medal made from yoghurt lids into the bin.

“These Nobel guys, they’re very nasty people. They’ve treated me very unfairly, like a dog. I’ve done great things for world peace. Great things. I’m the best at peace. Some would say I’m the peace-iest president there’s ever been. It’s very unfair. Very sad. 

“I have to say, I think it was a rigged voting system. Many people are saying it. I’ve been told Mr Nobel and his friends have been using Dominion Voting Systems. Everyone knows it’s rigged. A very unfair system. A very fraudulent system. A very bad system.

“People say to me, ‘Donald, you’re such a hero’, but apparently that’s not enough. I can’t tell you how many wars I’ve stopped since I became president. Tezbekistan vs Blueland. Ribenia vs The Turbin Islands. Noel vs Liam. Many wars stopped, many people saved.

“It’s very sad, very unfair.”