Trump uses Wotsit to unlock iPhone

Apple’s facial recognition software has been criticised by Donald Trump, after the US President realised he could unlock his iPhone with a Wotsit.

Despite a U-turn exempting smartphones from his tariffs against China, Donald Trump is absolutely furious today upon discovering his phone can be accessed by holding a variety of orange products up to his camera. 

“I was in the room when he first clocked on,” said White House advisor Chuck Williams. 

“He was tucking into some Wotsits that Keir Starmer gave him in February when I saw his eyes widen with horror. I’ve never seen him that stroppy before.

“We started gathering up every orange-coloured item we could find to see if they’d open the President’s iPhone. Carrots, satsumas, basketballs, a goldfish. The facial recognition software thought all of them were Trump.

“The US Treasury weren’t best pleased to find out we’d spent $20,000 flying David Dickinson out to Washington. But lo and behold, he was able to get into the phone without any trouble at all.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump scrapped the tariff exemption just to get back at Apple. It would really fuck up the economy, but when has that stopped him satisfying a personal grudge? If I was Tim Cook, I’d lie low for a while.”

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