Vengeful druid gods crush Just Stop Oil protestor under Stone Henge rock

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A Just Stop Oil protestor found himself on the receiving end of divine retribution after a massive stone fell from the heavens and squashed him flat at Stonehenge earlier today.

The protestor, part of a group who had attempted to paint the ancient monument in a garish display of eco-activism, evidently angered the vengeful druid gods by defacing their sacred site just days before the summer solstice.

Witnesses reported seeing the protestors gleefully spraying orange paint across the iconic stones, while chanting slogans against fossil fuels.

However, their jubilation was cut short when the sky darkened, and a deep, rumbling voice echoed through the air. “Not on my watch,” it boomed, moments before the colossal rock plummeted from above, flattening the hapless activist trying to make good his escape.

The remaining protestors fled in terror as the ground shook and other stones began to wobble ominously.

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“It was like something out of an ancient legend,” said one shaken bystander. “One minute they were protesting, the next they were running for their lives from angry druid gods.”

The incident has sparked a heated debate among environmentalists and historians alike. “This is exactly what we’ve been warning about,” said Dr. Simon Williams, an expert in ancient religions that sometimes sound scary.

“You can’t just waltz up to Stonehenge and deface it without expecting some sort of supernatural backlash, especially not before the druid celebration at the summer solstice.”

Just Stop Oil, however, remain defiant. “This was an act of climate justice that just happened to look a lot like teenage vandalism,” a spokesperson declared.

“We refuse to be intimidated by Range Rover drivers and ancient deities alike, both of whom clearly have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo. If anything, this just shows how deep the addiction to fossil fuels goes – it’s gripped Chelsea tractors and non-corporeal entities alike.

Meanwhile, local authorities are urging caution for any future protests at Stonehenge.

“We understand the need for activism,” said a spokesperson for the National Trust, “but perhaps it’s best to avoid angering any more vengeful spirits. Maybe stick to placards, and nice, peaceful marches – maybe write an angry letter or two?

“And most of all, maybe steer clear of sites with massive rocks, and avoid showing a total disregard for druidic decorum around solstice times?”

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