A man has been left rueing his luck after tasting the thrill of Russian Roulette in losing yet another duel with his cross-cut paper shredder today.
Simon Williams, 47, made the ill-advised decision to try and put seven sheets of paper through the shredder at once, in direct contravention of the warning printed on the top of the unit that under no circumstances should more than six pieces be inserted at once.
“What can I say, I was feeling optimistic,” reported a glum Williams, taking a break from a four-hour attempt to remove huge clumps of paper out of the now-jammed teeth of the machine with a knife.
“A couple of days ago, I’d landed a six-horse accumulator at the bookies at 3000-1, and the local garage had just rung to say that my car had sailed through its MOT, with no work needed. In fact, they offered me a rebate for overcharging me last year. So I thought my luck was in.
“But as soon as I’d loaded the paper into the shredder, I knew my run of good fortune was over.
“Is there any sound more depressing in the world than the slowing down of that whirr, and the click as the shredder automatically shuts down?”
The news comes just days after Hollywood executives announced the making of an updated version of The Deerhunter film, in which the guns in the Russian Roulette scene are to be replaced with paper shredders.
In the remake, the two characters are given a handful of old bank statements to safely shred in as few moves as possible without jamming the machine.