Families living on breadline ecstatic that UK will avoid a technical recession

author avatar by 2 weeks ago

Households living on the breadline across the UK have reacted with delight to the announcement by Jeremy Hunt in the Budget that the UK will not fall into a technical recession in 2023. 

“This is, quite simply, the best news for me, the missus and our three young kids,” said Simon Williams.

“I just hope you can hear me above all the cheering, celebrations and unbridled joy in this household.

“With my wife and me both trying to hold down multiple insecure, zero-hours contract jobs, trying to deal with ever-rising prices, a rising tax burden, and less and less disposable income after paying for the absolute basics to live each month, we were understandably worried about what the Chancellor was going to say.

“So when he revealed that there wouldn’t be two consecutive quarters of negative growth in 2023 – and to hear that news just as we were heading out to the local food bank – well, we just broke down in tears and started hugging each other.

“There’s so much for us to be pleased about with this growth budget, I don’t actually know where to begin. 

“The increase to £60,000 for annual pension contributions, for example. I mean, wow, this will genuinely transform our lives.

“And the increased monitoring and conditionality around our Universal Credit payments – we definitely need a more punitive scheme to help us find even more work just to make ends meet.

“Now, how much duty was taken off a bottle of vodka? I need to get hammered.”