“We will end the schools budget crisis, by reducing the school leaving age to 11”

author avatar by 1 year ago

The school leaving age is set to be reduced to eleven years old it has been revealed today, in order to combat the funding crisis within education.

With news emerging earlier that many schools are considering cutting teachers, or teaching hours in order to balance the books, further news has now emerged that the government is looking to address the issue as a whole, by reducing the leaving age of children to eleven, or maybe ten in the bigger schools.

A spokesperson for the government confirmed, “It makes perfect sense really. I mean, do they really need to keep going after eleven?

“There is a real funding problem in schools, with basically not enough money to pay the teachers or provide enough equipment to teach the children properly.

“That’s why it makes sense for kids to just leave school a few years early, and go and get a job and start paying their taxes.

“Let’s face it, most of them aren’t that bothered in secondary school anyway, and only really like PE, so why not just let them leave and save us all a load of money?

“Obviously some children might benefit from an extra year or so of formal education, if they are extremely gifted and understand that algebra shit, so maybe we let those ones stay till their about fourteen.

“But on the whole, it’s a bit of a waste of time really, and we may as well let them leave.”

Asked if there are any other less drastic changes that could perhaps be implemented instead of making children leave school before puberty, we were told, “Well, we could get rid of German to start with. Seriously! Oh and RE, and dinner ladies. Surely kids can all cook these days?”