Former Tory deputy chief whip Chris Pincher has been immediately installed as Boris Johnson’s new ethics advisor it has been revealed today.
With allegations emerging last night that Mr Pincher is resigning from his position due to allegedly groping two men whilst absolutely plastered on booze, the Prime Minister has wasted no time whatsoever in moving the whip to a far more appropriate role, as his own personal ethics advisor.
A Spokesperson for the Prime Minister confirmed “Pincher is perfect for the job.
“The Prime Minister has been searching for a new ethics advisor for a while now, and it looks like he’s finally found his man. He starts today.
“Here we have a man who obviously likes to drink at dangerous levels, before acting wholly inappropriately, if not illegally, whilst completely off his face.
“A man with a history of making unwanted sexual advances and lewd behaviour but who has remained in his job despite his questionable moral compass and clearly criminal behaviour.
“He’s absolutely ideal to stand beside the Prime Minister, and advise him on ethical issues, or to generally go out on the piss with and do what the fuck they like.”
Asked if it would not be more appropriate for the deputy chief whip to be removed from office entirely, and perhaps be investigated by the police we were told, “Let’s stop digging up the past shall we? There’s a war on you know!”