Monday 1 November 2021 by Arabin Patson

Boris Johnson welcomes COP26 delegates with cheap internal flights to see future coal mine


Boris Johnson COP26

Delegates arriving in Glasgow to discuss how to combat climate change, will be delighted to take our untaxed internal flights to visit the new coal mines or offshore oil fields we are ploughing money into, says the UK government.

Simone Williams MP, Junior Minister for Missing The Fucking Point, told journalists that, as host of the COP26, the UK would allow foreign leaders to see green technology used to facilitate industries whose output we don’t need to dwell on.

She went on, “On the PM’s personal initiative, all delegates to the COP26 can take an untaxed internal flight and go to see the recycling bins at the huge coal mine in Cumbria we’re going to open.

“Or why not fly to Aberdeen to see the solar panels on the roof of the office overseeing a massive oil and gas exploration effort in the North Sea?

“And we can show everyone our world-beating greenhouse gas reduction techniques such as excluding all the polluting industries from official stats. If all world governments did like the UK and simply pretended aviation and shipping did not exist, then we estimate the world could see a reduction of CO2 of around 5%. On paper.”

Minister Williams also highlighted how the PM’s personal devotion to a greener future should override any doubting Thomases who point to his long career of doing sod-all about the environment.

“Look. He’s come with Carrie Johnson. What more do you need as proof? I mean she really really cares. Tweets about the oceans and everything.

“No, she’s not done anything tangible. Don’t be churlish.”

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