A father has made short work of all the sweets and chocolates his children were given for Halloween.
Simon Williams is a forty-year-old father of two – in other words, a responsible adult. And yet he’s eaten so many chocolates in such a short space of time that he now has a really bad tummy.
“Jake and Jenny came back from trick or treating with so much confectionery!” said Simon while sitting on the toilet. “It would have been terrible parenting to let them eat it all.
“And we couldn’t keep them until Christmas because chocolate goes all white and hard if you don’t eat it within three days. I think that’s right? I’ve never actually put that theory to the test.
“I started with the little Bountys, on the basis that they probably wouldn’t like them. Obviously I didn’t get them to try a bit first, it was just a reasonable assumption.
“Then I moved on to all the other Celebrations because I didn’t want my wife to know that I’d eaten all the Bountys and they were suddenly conspicuous by their absence.
“Chupa Chups are a choking hazard so I devoured those next.
“Then there were these Chocolate Orange segment things which I arbitrarily decided were too sophisticated for kids so I gobbled them up too.
“I left the Haribos – they’re quite clearly for children so I would have felt silly eating them.
“Well, except the cola bottles, obviously.
“My wife will be livid, yes. That’s why I’m going to blame the binful of wrappers on the children.”