Boris Johnson will not take part in Movember, despite successful Ineptember and Cocktober

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Prime minister Boris Johnson has confirmed that he will not take part in Movember to raise awareness of testicular cancer, despite a successful September and October in which he massively heightened awareness that he’s a thoroughly inept cock.

Mr Johnson, who has been striving to draw the public’s attention to his inept cockery for a number of years, pulled out all the stops over the last two months in an attempt to convince anyone who may be unsure that he’s definitely a calamitous buffoon incapable of running the country during a crisis.

People throughout the UK who had previously been in any doubt about Boris’ ineptitude have revealed how their eyes have now been opened to the dangers of being complacent about his bungling stupidity.

“I’d always assumed that this sort of thing wouldn’t happen to me,” said Gavin Jenkins from Stevenage.

“But after watching Mr Johnson in action these last few months, I’ve discovered that I’m suffering from the advanced stages of a Tory government.

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“It’s going to be a long road ahead, but hopefully I should start to make a full recovery in about four years time.”

Despite Mr Johnson’s non-participation in Movember, a Conservative Party spokesperson has revealed that the prime minister will be using future months to draw attention to other serious issues.

“Next month the Boris will be attempting to draw people’s attention to what truly motivates Conservative party donors in Me, Me, Mecember.

“Next year will also see a month devoted to raising people’s awareness of their place in society.

“And we’re going to call that one Plebuary.”

‘Tis the season of goodwill to all men (except Boris Johnson, that guy’s a dick) – get the T-shirt here!