Prince Andrew has been left confused after the Queen told delegates at the COP26 even to ‘think about the children’.
The Queen has spent the past two years telling Prince Andrew that he should in no way be thinking about underage girls, so her COP26 speech has therefore really confused her second son.
“Mummy has made it quite clear that children should not be on my mind at all,” said Andrew. “So why is she now telling the whole world the exact opposite?
“There are ‘No kids’ signs all over my private quarters – it’s a picture of a fifteen-year-old girl in a red circle with a line through her.
“The parental lock has been put on iPlayer to prevent me from accessing CBeebies and CBBC.
“I’ve been banned from visiting family-friendly pizza restaurants, which is weird because I don’t think I’ve ever been to one. Oh right, yes, I definitely have!
“I’m even receiving a sort of therapy which involves watching short films and getting an electric shock every time an underage girl appears on the screen.
“And now, suddenly, I’m being implored to think about them again. I just don’t know what to do! Is this her way of saying she forgives me?”
FBI agent Simon Williams said, “If Andrew comes to the USA to have a little chat with us, we can make all his pain and confusion disappear.
“He can have his own little cell where he can safely think about whatever he wants for the rest of his life.”