Monday 1 March 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Bizarrely angry man busy welding an enormous penis onto Mr Potato Head


man welding penises onto Mr Potato head

A defiant hero isn’t about to be told what to do by a toy company- not that he was being told what to do anyway.

Simon Williams, woke up to the news that the “Mr Potato Head” brand will change to “Potato Head”.

The character names of Mr Potato Head and Mrs Potato Head will remain, obviously, it is only the brand name that is changing, but Simon didn’t hear that bit because he was screaming too loudly in the general direction of anyone paying him any attention.

“Fucking DISGRACE” fumed Williams, fashioning a solid steel penis to stand between Mr Potato Head’s legs as a towering monument to Williams’ own fragile masculinity.

“I haven’t ever owned a Mr Potato Head, or given a toss about the brand, but now that I’ve heard an incredibly minor change is being made in the name of inclusivity, it’s now the most important thing in my entire life.

“Mr Potato Head is going to have a dick, and that’s the end of it. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got a few hundred of these to do.

“I’m hoping to fashion some kind of lady’s part for Mrs Potato Head, but I’ve never seen one, so that’s going to be a bit harder.”

Simon’s mother commented, “Please take him and his new collection of penis-baring toys with you.”

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