Lip readers confirm audio-free Trump was confessing to several sex crimes

Donald Trump was actually confessing to several sex crimes while opening a new heliport.

That’s the expert opinion of several lip readers, as the audio feed of the President was unavailable due to a press pool blackout. The blackout followed the President banning several news outlets from the White House press room for saying mean things.

“Let’s see… we…went…into…Epstein’s…pool…house…and…we… Jesus Christ” confirmed lip reader, Frederick Toothmaster.

“Why would you confess something like THAT at the opening of a heliport? He really has lost the plot. Mind you, that probably shouldn’t be my first takeaway from this, it’s quite a big story.

“I wouldn’t have thought he would be into that sort of thing, how would it even fit?”

Kayleigh Mouthington, another lip reader, added, “I…couldn’t…wait…to…feel…those…soft…supple… right nah, there isn’t enough vomit in my body for this.

“It’s a shame the press pool boycotted this one, it’s the story of the century. Trump’s supporters might even let go of him after this, although I doubt it. We’ll soon find out anyway.

“Is he SO petty that he would drop the ultimate news story precisely when the news outlets were boycotting him? Surely not.”

A White House spokesperson sighed, “That’s exactly what happened.

“Sadly he’s so fucking thick that he believes if microphones can’t hear him, nobody else can either. There were still people stood around him, trying not to breathe through their noses too much. They heard every sordid word.

“Anyway here’s my CV, let me know if anything comes up.”

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