White House reveals first presenter for new state-run news media channel
by Rich Smith 2 months ago 
The White House has unveiled the first presenter for its increasingly enthusiastic venture into government-approved news, while insisting any similarities to North Korean state television are entirely coincidental.
The new presenter will reportedly provide American citizens with the important stories of the day directly from the Trump administration, removing the unnecessary intermediary traditionally known as “journalism”.
Broadcasting from a brightly decorated studio featuring the White House, several American flags and an enormous photograph of Donald Trump looking heroically into the middle distance, viewers will receive regular updates on the President’s latest historic achievements.
Stories expected to feature heavily include Trump enjoying his highest approval ratings ever, Trump negotiating the greatest trade deal in human history, Trump hitting a magnificent golf shot and Trump receiving spontaneous applause from several people whose continued employment is determined by Trump.
White House spokesperson Chuck Williams explained, “Americans are tired of supposedly independent journalists deciding what counts as ‘news’.
“That’s why we’re cutting out the middleman and allowing the government to decide what counts as ‘news’ instead.
“It’s much more democratic.”
Officials have rejected suggestions that a government excluding critical journalists while simultaneously encouraging citizens to receive their news directly from government-controlled channels bears any resemblance whatsoever to the media environment of North Korea.
Williams continued, “North Korean television spends all day telling viewers their glorious leader is a uniquely brilliant statesman beloved by his people, while carefully avoiding stories which might reflect badly upon him.
“We’re completely different.
“Mainly because our graphics are much better.”
The first broadcast is expected to include reports on another unprecedented Trump economic triumph, America’s enemies trembling before the President’s enormous strength, and footage of several ordinary citizens explaining how incredibly grateful they are to him.
Weather will follow, assuming the forecast is sufficiently patriotic.
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