Tuesday 22 October 2019 by Alex Webster

‘Sign up to one more Brexit extension and we get a free hot drink’, Prime Minister assures weary nation


Boris needs one more extension

The prime minister has reminded the country that he only needs one more stamp on his Brexit Extension card to claim a free tea or coffee.

As the cost of Brexit continues to climb and Boris Johnson has been forced to seek an extension to the process, he has reminded a weary nation of the potential benefits of a further extension.

Simon Williams of the European Commission told reporters, “The EU works on a loyalty system similar to that of Caffe Nero, where every thirty-fifth coffee is free, or something.”

The new extended deadline is expected to be March 2020. If the prime minister was to seek a new extension then, he would get his final stamp on the row, and be eligible for a free hot drink with the purchase of another regular or large hot drink at the European Commission canteen.”

This, however, has already stirred up controversy, with Parliament unable to agree on the type of coffee or teabag claimed. The DUP maintains it cannot support anything that could be considered ‘fruity’, while Labour maintains that the definition of a flat white is not clear enough.

It is our understanding that the government will continue to delay until January 2079, by which time they are entitled to a free breakfast. The reasoning being that this will qualify as spending on school meals.”

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