Monday 21 October 2019 by James Backhouse

English rugby set for most memorable showdown since Boris Johnson flattened that 10-year-old boy


Boris Johnson Rugby tackle

Ahead of Saturday’s World Cup semi-final clash with New Zealand, fans will be recalling past English rugby achievements in Japan, in particular, the time when a galloping Boris Johnson brutally shoulder-charged a small boy into the ground.

The vivid memory of Boris eagerly crushing a boy one fifth his age and one-tenth his weight is etched onto the minds of all rugby fans, many of whom will be hoping that England’s performance against the All Blacks will rival the skill and good judgement shown by Boris when he drove his shoulder into the face of a terrified schoolboy in front of the world’s press.

Although some fans reserve their praise for England’s winning squad of 2003, most agree that nothing in the history of English rugby can match the day that Boris, then 51-years-old, launched his full weight against a 10-year-old child with his trademark disregard for common sense, dignity, and consequences.

Said one England fan, “I’ll certainly be watching that clip a few dozen times before Saturday’s game, nothing to get the blood pumping like seeing Boris smack down that kid like the Supreme Court smacking down his prorogation of parliament.

“Damn, I almost went a full hour without thinking about Brexit there.”

When asked for comment, Boris replied, “Hell, I was hoping you’d forgotten about that by now. I’ve done far more embarrassing things in just the last few weeks, no need to go back four years looking for stuff.

“To be honest, I thought I could keep this Brexit mess simmering away until the World Cup was over and everyone forgot again that rugby exists.”

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