SportsUKForeign Secretary calls on football fans to be respectful of Qatar at the World Cup by stoning any players who have committed adultery
BusinessUKRising energy costs mean cheapest option for heating this winter is buying a house that’s already warm
WorldCovid sceptic doesn’t understand why Ukrainian refugees are fleeing a war that has killed less than 0.1% of the population
PoliticsWorldEmbarrassed Vladimir Putin admits he finds it difficult to invade while everyone is watching him
PoliticsUKWorldUS and UK hope to make up for Afghanistan debacle with strong performance in next month’s war against France
EnvironmentPoliticsUKEnvironmentalist Margaret Thatcher sank General Belgrano to create habitat for rare sea life, insists Boris Johnson
PoliticsWorldDisappointed Lukashenko can’t understand why hijacking airliner to abduct journalist hasn’t made people stop calling him a dangerous tyrant
PoliticsUKKeir Starmer’s reshuffle results in Labour losing eight shadow cabinet posts to Conservatives and Greens
PoliticsUKGovernment decides the spectre of nuclear annihilation is the ideal remedy for nation’s mental health crisis
PoliticsWorldInauguration oath ends in chaos as confused Joe Biden vows to take the Chief Justice as his lawful wedded husband
PoliticsWorldDonald Trump calls on election officials not to count any votes which came in after 2016
PoliticsWorldDoctors who claim Russian opposition leader was ‘probably poisoned’ also insist that Pope is ‘probably Catholic’
PoliticsUKRebecca Long-Bailey says she was tricked into believing antisemitic conspiracy theory by ‘Israeli mind-control beam’
PoliticsScienceUKSocial Media users hold back from judging Prof Neil Ferguson until they’ve seen what books he’s got on his shelves
HealthPoliticsUKNew fundraiser created by NHS staff will sponsor Matt Hancock’s 800m sprint along Brighton’s 500m pier
HealthPoliticsUKCoughing, feverish Boris Johnson personally licking shut thousands of Coronavirus letters for British households
HealthWorldPestilence getting increasingly impatient waiting for other Horsemen of the Apocalypse to show up
EntertainmentSocietyUKDogs at this year’s Crufts being advised to lick own backsides for at least 20 seconds
PoliticsWorldDonald Trump’s Middle-East peace plan based on giving Israel and Palestine equal number of Trump Hotels
BrexitBusinessUKEnterprising young vicar offers to ring parish church bells for Brexit for the bargain price of fifty-grand
BusinessSocietyUKWhirlpool’s new Christmas advert shows family roasting chestnuts over an open washing machine
