Monday 22 July 2019 by Arabin Patson

Man sent into furious tailspin by Extinction Rebellion adamant he will cope fine with No Deal Brexit


Man upset at extinction rebellion

A red-faced man who has been apoplectic since his commute was slightly lengthened due to the actions of Extinction Rebellion sees no contradiction with his claims that he could shrug off any minor hardships brought about by a No Deal exit from the EU.

Simon Williams, a Docklands estate agent who lives in Croydon, has been incessantly railing about how being forced to reroute on Thursday morning was nothing less than a mortal threat to his ability to feed his family.

Paradoxically, Mr Williams has also been telling people around him that any disruption to transport, food chains, financial transactions or medical supplies due to the country engaging in a no-deal Brexit would be easily coped with, because his grandparents had survived the war.

He explained “These middle-class virtue signallers are taking food out of my children’s mouths by making me slightly late for work. We need to crack down on them before they bring the country to its knees.

“I’m all for the freedom to protest but how many times will they force me to leave my home slightly earlier than usual? It sounds harsh but I think we need to use the army.”

However, Mr Williams was much more phlegmatic when asked how he felt the UK should deal with Brexit.

He explained, “We should just go. No deal, no fuss. We’ll be fine. My Grandad was an anti-aircraft gunner in the War. He survived the Blitz and rationing which means I have too, in a way. We just need to rely on British pluck and that will see us through.”

Mr Williams then interrupted the interview to scream at a parcel delivery driver who had ‘ruined everything’ after leaving a package out in the rain.

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