An office worker has today made his feelings of utter contempt and hatred of his co-workers publicly known, after changing his email signature.
Simon Williams, an administrator for property company Slapp, Tickell and Wrythe Ltd, made the change after waking up one morning and being struck by the realisation that he hates his colleagues almost as much as he hates himself.
“Obviously I could have told them each to their faces that I can’t stand being in their presence,” he told us on his morning tea-break after finding himself alone at the water dispenser, “but being English I figured a much more appropriate move would be to send a clear message through my email sign-off.
“After all, there is no clearer way of saying you hate someone than by trimming ‘Kind regards’ to ‘Regards’, is there? Or was that a bit too brutal? Oh well, too late now.”
Simon’s colleague Christopher told us, “To be honest I don’t read any of his emails anyway.
“Mostly he just spams us with crap articles about Brexit from one of those ‘satirical’ websites, so they normally go straight in the trash folder.”