After learning about a revolutionary new energy source called coal, Donald Trump is reportedly keen to promote its use through taxpayer subsidies.
The bloated amber dictator reportedly learnt about the source of energy after he saw a picture of a steam train in a children’s picture book and asked his daughter Ivanka what made the train go ‘choo- choo’.
He was then so impressed by the concept of taking something that is just lying around anyway and burning it to create power, he grabbed the nearest pen and his executive order notepad.
Speaking to White House press, Donald Trump announced, “This is a new age in American energy. Coal is so good, it’s going to be terrific, believe me.
“Unlike some of loser Obama’s energy sources, this one is found underground, and the Earth is pretty big so there is a lot of it. Like, loads.
“Obama loved so-called ‘green’ energy, like solar power or wind power, but any fool can see that the sun doesn’t shine every day and sometimes there is no wind. But there will always be coal, guaranteed.”
Taking the stunned silence from his audience to be silent admiration, he continued, “You can use it to power trains, did you know that? Or you can set fire to it and use it to heat your home. Terrific stuff. Just terrific.
“And it will create thousands of jobs, as we will need people to collect, or mine, this stuff. Let’s call them coal-miners for now, until I can make up a proper job title.”
He concluded, “I can see no long-term side effects at all from using this amazing energy source, and I hope other countries will follow our lead.”