With the summer but a fading memory and there being a mere 22 days to Hallowe’en, British supermarkets are continuing to pander to the whole bloody thing by cramming in as many stupidly sized pumpkins into their foyers as possible, it has emerged.
Morrison’s Dunstable manager Simon Williams told how head offices around the country have been demanding that supermarkets’ fronts should look more like a witches harvest festival than an actual supermarket in the lead up to the big night.
“It’s orders from above, innit,” said the well-travelled factotum.
“It’s not just us. Yer Asdas, yer Tesco’s, yer the Co-Ops, they’ve all been made to do it.
“Obviously Sainsbury’s are trying to do it in a more wanky fashion, so they’ve chucked in some aubergines with scary faces etched into them.
“And Waitrose is a no-go, I’ve heard that all their pumpkins are hidden away in the commoners’ section with the red sauce and crisps.”
It was later clarified by Waitrose that their pumpkins were only available as a component of their ricotta and swan conchiglie bake.