Don’t do it, UK tells Catalonia

The UK has told the Catalan people that ‘independence’ might not work out quite the way they want it to.

Another small but extremely contentious territory is trying to break away from a larger whole, for reasons that will only make sense when in the voting booth.

The Catalan region in northeast Spain, which every journalist has been desperately Googling for the last three weeks, has almost unanimously voted to break away from its parent country.

Salomon Williams, a Catalan ‘Leave’ voter, explained, “We will get a snazzy new flag, loads more money for our health service I presume, and we’ll get to take back control of our borders.

“The EU will immediately want to renegotiate any trade treaties heavily in our favour, because they can’t afford to be locked out of our package holiday and wacky cathedral industries.

“I mean, the EU is desperate to stop Europe disintegrating like a pastry on a wet pavement. Surely they’ll give us everything we ask for?”

Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy has already declared the successful independence vote illegal, telling the UK, “I bet your Cameron wishes he had thought of that, eh?”

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