What happened to giving British workers a chance, Bombardier asks government

Train-maker Bombardier have been left scratching their heads after a £1.4bn contract handed to an overseas firm forced them to cut 1400 jobs, just a week after Iain Duncan Smith had urged businesses ‘to give British workers a chance’.

Unions and opposition leaders have urged the government to reverse the decision, but Transport Secretary Philip Hammond said that this was not possible because it might cause a compact mass to deform spacetime, forming a black hole that would suck the whole country inside out.

Mark Young, Unite’s co-ordinating officer, disputed Mr Hammond’s claims.

“I don’t know of any procurement in France or Germany going to the indigenous rail manufacturers in that country being the catalyst for the formation of a voracious whirlpool in space.”

“I don’t wish to be quite so blunt, but I think it’s bullshit.”

Bombardier job losses

Workers at the Derby-based train-maker have accused the government of lacking a “basic grasp of physics”.

As one worker explained, “I think it’s remarkable that the government have confused handing the contract to Bombardier with the formation of a space vacuum as a result the collapse of heavy stars.”

Another said, “I think I understand what’s happening here. When it comes to shopping around for the best deal, the government is very much asking us to do as they say, not as they do.”

“I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised, really.”