Thursday 12 June 2014

Tony Blair considering removal of ‘Fixed Iraq’ bullet point from CV


Blair Iraq CV

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is this morning considering the removal of the section on ‘fixing Iraq’ from his curriculum vitae.

As Iraq descended closer to civil war, Blair had been repeatedly telling himself and those close to him that the country was still a better place than when he invaded.

However as Islamists took control of Iraq’s second city, Mosul, Blair was left wondering if perhaps he should update his CV to focus more on the after dinner speaking stuff he tends to do these days.

Blair told reporters during the interview, “You know, I count the invasion of Iraq as one of my greatest triumphs, but I can sort of see why anyone opening a newspaper today might think the time, expense and loss of life involved in that action might not have been worthwhile.”

“To the untrained eye it looks like we jumped into a situation we didn’t fully understand, and created a vacuum when we left into which extremism would inevitably climb.”

“But that’s to the untrained eye, obviously.”

“No, I don’t feel guilty – that’s the joy of being a Catholic, I can go into a wooden box and tell an old man in a dress about the decision to invade Iraq, and I never have to feel guilty about it ever again.”

Blair to update résumé

Reporters in the room said that Blair’s CV might be in need of more than a ‘minor edit’.

As one explained, “I’ve seen his CV, and it’s the biggest work of fiction since the dossier that took us into Iraq in the first place.”

Blair concluded the interview by passing round his rate card for speaking engagements and personal appearances.

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