Shops report panic buying as London prepares for feeble remnants of tropical storm Henri
There have been reports of panic buying across London after the Met Office warned we will be hit by the pathetic remains of Tropical Storm Henri.
Parasitic bugs warned about contact with Northerners
Parasitic bugs in the Lancastrian water supply have been warned to be on high alert due to the high risk of contact with Northerners.
French Primark raiders to seek refund on ‘poor quality’ loot
The armed raiders that hit a Parisian branch of the popular, low-cost clothing store, Primark, have now returned the loot and asked for a full refund.
Americans claim victory at Waterloo re-enactment after showing up towards the end
American forces have claimed victory at the Battle of Waterloo re-enactment, after arriving just as it was about to finish anyway.
Philae comet probe wakes up dying for a piss and with a mild erection
The European Space Agency has reported that the Philae comet lander has woken up with an urgent needed to go to the bathroom and was in a mild state of sexual arousal.
