Parasitic bugs in the Lancastrian water supply have been warned to be on high alert due to the high risk of contact with Northerners.
Bugs have been told to take all reasonable precautions before leaving a tap to ensure they are not accidentally accosted by a Lancastrian.
Cryptosporidium are particularly vulnerable to Northerners, more so than most other apicomplexan protozoans, and could easily find themselves embroiled in a tedious conversation about the weather or ‘the price of a pint of bitter these days’.
A spokesman for the Northern Parasites Advisory Board said last night, “Now then, ‘appen there’s nowt too much to worry about, but tha can’t be too careful at t’ end of t’ day tha knows.”
“During current crisis, we advise all microbes, bugs and parasites in Lancashire to tek a few days off, or move to Yorkshire until we get t’ bugger under control.”
At present, there is not believed to be any connection with this outbreak and a recent series of incidents in East London when a number of bed bugs had to be treated in hospital after biting Ray Winstone.