Furious Goths protest as clock changes result in them losing an hour of night

Britain’s Goths have taken to the streets to protest the loss of an hour of precious, precious night due to the clocks changing tonight.

With banners reading ‘Down with the sun!” and ‘Daylight saving – what about moonlight saving?!”, the streets were thronged with black velvet-clad crowds insisting that if we kept putting the clock back instead it would be always night and never dawn which would be much better for everyone.

Local Goth spokesman Lucien Gomrath said that changing the clocks is an ‘outdated notion’, especially when it cut down the number of hours on a prime clubbing night.

“I was going to use the hours of darkness to pursue my personal projects, such as a Sestina about silence, a story about a man who falls in love with a paper doll, or maybe just dreaming of poisoned lands and fields,” he told us.

“But thanks to the loss of sixty lovely minutes of night I won’t have time to do it all before I have to get up and go to Tesco.

“Daylight saving? Pah! Who cares? I’ll barely have time to sleep off yesterday’s speed at this rate.”

Advertisement

Classic BritishComedy tees

Celebrating the best of British comedy from the 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond.

See the full collection →