Attacking our democracy is perfectly fine when it’s electoral fraud, insist Tories

There are perfectly acceptable ways to attack our fragile democracy without upsetting anybody, the Tories have claimed.

The Conservatives were referring to an incident in South Thanet in which a large, blue campaign bus was driven responsibly by three unarmed Caucasian males who checked into a nice hotel.

MP and driver, Craig Mackinley, was later charged with falsely declaring expenses during his narrow victory over UKIP’s leading c*nt, Nigel Farage.

Police are now looking into files from several local authorities and believe Mackinley may be part of a larger cell of radicalised Tories hell-bent on undermining our democracy.

Friends of Mackinley say the alleged fraud is totally out of character, but he may have looked up how to do it on the Internet.

Detective Constable of Kent Police, Simon Williams, said, “These individuals despise our values such as fair campaigning, reasoned argument and rigidly adhering to the spending limits as set out by the Electoral Standards Committee.

“Enough is enough.”

Meanwhile, prime minister Theresa May defended the Tories’ record claiming that when they attack democracy, nobody dies.

She added, “We very much regret that the sound of champagne corks popping was mistaken for gunfire.”

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