Gary Stanton

97-year-old boy racer flips car

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A boy racer, 97, has once again endangered lives by driving erratically while out on the nation’s roads.

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Sajid Javid to launch armed tank patrols along M6 after 26 migrants found in lorry

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Sajid Javid has reacted in a predictable fashion after a lorry was found to contain more than twenty swarthy people from overseas.

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Anna Soubry is Nazi scum insists irony-free immigrant-hating nationalist screaming into her face

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Tory MP Anna Soubry is a full-fledged Nazi according to an impeccably behaved nationalist who follows women down the street and screams insults at them.

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Schrödinger’s celebrity attends Jools Holland’s Hootenanny while simultaneously watching it at home

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A popular celebrity has enjoyed both appearing on and watching at some distance Jools Holland’s New Year’s Eve celebrations in accordance with the tried and tested laws of Quantum Mechanics.

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Santa’s sleigh grounded indefinitely due to some Lapland knobhead with a drone

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Santa Claus’ airborne sleigh fleet has been grounded until further notice due to some twat in Lapland flying a drone near his headquarters.

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Nation brought to standstill by single drone in ‘perfect shape’ to cope with No Deal Brexit

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People worried about the UK’s preparations for crashing out of the EU without a deal have been reassured by its speedy and proficient response to a fuckwit flying a drone near an airport.

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Brexit Betrayal march to attract people from all walks of racism

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Today’s Brexit Betrayal march is attracting ordinary folk from across the racist spectrum, according to reports

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Kevin the Carrot to deliver the Brexit you voted for

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Kevin the Aldi Christmas Carrot is proving to be the ultra-popular figure the entire country can unite behind in order to deliver a successful Brexit, according to reports.

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Selling off water cannons ‘a bit f*cking premature’ insists nation on brink of food riots

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Scrapping and selling off three water cannons is a tad fucking premature according to UK citizens bracing themselves for a Brexit-based breakdown in law and order.

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Aliens prepared to intervene over Irish backstop

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Creatures from another world are among the latest to suggest Theresa May’s Brexit plan is total wank, it has emerged.

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