Populist agitators remain a model of dignified restraint following terrorist attack

author avatar by 6 years ago

After another horrendous bloodbath on the streets of Britain, controversial pundits have collectively declared a moratorium on provocative statements out of respect for the victims.

Interviewed on his doorstep, Nigel Farage calmly refused to be drawn into any polemics.

“This is not the time to score political points. Let’s just all find out how we can help. Those of you with rare blood types should contact a donor centre in case you are needed.”

Firebrand Katie Hopkins has also stayed inconspicuous in the immediate aftermath of the attack, using her popular Twitter account only to relay emergency numbers and official announcements by the Metropolitan police.

However, her emotions came through in the morning when she posted a link to an acoustic cover of Lily Allen’s LDN.

But it was President Donald Trump who solemnly gave voice to many people’s grief by quoting a poignant excerpt of a Primo Levi text about man’s inhumanity to man before bowing his head for a minute’s silence.

After the inspiring but emotive speech, Sean Spicer explained the President’s uncommonly staid behaviour.

“Sometimes things are so bad that politics just has to go out the window.

“I mean, what kind of asshole could watch people be murdered and then immediately wonder how they could exploit the situation to suit their own agendas?

“Innocent people are getting slaughtered by worthless scumbags for bullshit reasons, and yet some pricks actually feel smug about that?

“Can you imagine living in a world that fucked-up?”