Football celebrates 25 years of Sir Alex Ferguson intimidation

The British media is recovering from their attempts to get into Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson’s good books, having competed ruthlessly to put together the most sycophantic tribute to his 25 years managing the Premier League club.

Many involved in football reporting across the country put in ninety minutes and more to produce career-best performances for the long-serving boss at Old Trafford.

Arsene Wenger said, “I must admit he is remarkable. He is someone that all of us who want to enjoy a tyrannical reign at our own clubs must look up to.”

“We try to blame the referees and intimidate the media at every opportunity, but Ferguson has always been in a league of his own when it comes to that.”

Silver sycophancy jubilee

It was touted as a ‘landmark’ occasion by all those eager to ensure that they don’t get banned from future United press conferences, and many others in the game were eager to display enough sycophancy of their own not to get into trouble with the influential Scot.

“He’s like the Godfather of the Premier League,” explained Newcastle’s Alan Pardew.

“I guess that’s why the referees do whatever the bloody hell he wants.”

Premier League referee Howard Webb added, “For the last 25 years, Sir Alex has miraculously achieved the combination of producing winning football and striking abject fear and terror into me and my officiating colleagues.”

“That’s why all referees admire and support him so whole-heartedly.”