On-fire climate change denier continuing to insist everything is totally fine

A climate change denier has insisted that everything is absolutely fine, despite his entire body being engulfed in flames.

With climate change making summers hotter and drier, experts say the conditions are perfect for exacerbating wildfires, though some are still sceptical of the science. 

“Most wildfires are caused by human carelessness,” said Suffolk local and big ball of fire Derek Williams.

“Sure, the hot, dry conditions make them ten times worse, but it’s nothing new. The world has always had wildfires. The snowflakes will just have to get used to the flames burning off their hair. There’s no point whining about it. 

“It’s easily managed. People carry insulin around with them, so why not fire extinguishers? I always carry Sudocrem wherever I go now. It’s great for moisturising my charred skin. I used to be a big believer in SPF, but unfortunateley anything under SPF 10,000 won’t keep the flames from surrounding your entire body.

“It’s also a good idea to carry a bucket of water with you. That way someone can throw it over your head whenever the flesh starts to disintegrate. I find the ideal time to dump the water over yourself is when you can see the bone. That’s if there’s enough water to spare. 

“With all the new data centres, water is getting pretty scarce.”

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