Apple Store to be looted in the name of justice
by Nathan Cowley 5 months ago 
A group of patriots have announced they will loot their local Apple Store in the name of justice.
Following civil unrest on the streets of Southampton, the patriots insisted the only way to achieve justice was with a brand-new 14.2 inch Macbook Pro with Liquid Retina XDR display.
“This is the best way to create a helpful dialogue about the standard of policing,” said Derek Williams, grabbing a handful of iPhones and iPads.
“You probably think I’m just looting this Macbook because I really wanted a Macbook. But you’d be completely wrong. The only way I’m going to make any difference to society is with a thought-provoking op-ed about the current state of policing in this country. And what do you need to write an op-ed? That’s right. A laptop.
“Now that I think about it, it’s pretty difficult to write an op-ed on an empty stomach. Trust me, Tesco Express won’t mind if I smash their windows and grab a few frozen pizzas and a couple of crates of Stella. It is in the name of justice, after all. In times like these you can’t be too angry about broken glass when the nation’s morality is at stake.
“Also, if I’m going to be a writer, then I need to look like a writer. Wouldn’t you agree? I can’t be writing a society-altering piece in The Times looking like this can I?
“Does anybody know where the local JD Sports is?”
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