Donald Trump given Earth Day honour for doing so much to stop the world using fossil fuels

In a stirring tribute to environmental progress, US President Donald Trump has been awarded a special Earth Day honour for his “unmatched contribution to reducing global fossil fuel use”.

The award, announced to coincide with Earth Day, recognises Trump’s role in dramatically curbing the world’s access to oil through a series of bold geopolitical manoeuvres that experts describe as “either catastrophic or quietly quite green, depending on your mood”.

Judges praised what they called “a decisive shift away from oil dependency”, noting that ongoing tensions with Iran have left vast quantities of crude oil stubbornly stuck in the ground, where environmentalists have long insisted it belongs.

“Previous leaders tried wind farms, solar panels, and asking nicely,” said one panel member. “President Trump simply made it logistically impossible for anyone to get the oil in the first place. It’s a refreshingly direct approach.”

“We usually look to recognise people promoting greener alternatives, or environmentally friendly approaches to sustainability, but simply dropping bombs that prevent people from getting oil is also good, I guess?”

Global energy markets have been thrown into disarray, with oil supplies disrupted and prices soaring, prompting millions to reconsider their reliance on fossil fuels and, in several cases, basic travel.

“I’ve started walking everywhere,” said one commuter. “Mainly because I can’t afford petrol, but still, my inconvenience feels very ethical.”

Trump accepted the award during a brief address, describing himself as “the most environmentally friendly president, maybe ever”. He added, “People said I loved oil too much. Now look, nobody’s using it. Nobody. The Earth is thrilled.”

Environmental groups have reacted cautiously, with some praising the unintended consequences, while others expressed concern that “preventing emissions by destabilising global infrastructure” may not be a scalable long-term strategy.

At press time, oil executives were reportedly considering rebranding crude as a rare and endangered liquid in a desperate bid for sympathy.

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