House spiders taking the piss now

House spiders across the country are starting to take the piss now, according to homeowners this morning.

With spider numbers very high due to an unseasonably warm spring this year, the spider population is seemingly acting like they own the place, leaving many expressing their preference for a time when spiders stayed hidden in the shadows, out of sight.

Homeowner Simon Williams explained, “I’m not sure I like these brazen spiders who feel it’s OK to walk across my living room floor in the middle of the afternoon.

“They should know their place. Which is in the shed, completely out of sight.

“I don’t know what fad diet has hit the spider community has enjoyed year, but they all seem absolutely massive at the moment.

“No, I’m not a fan. At all.”

However, a spokespider said the spider community felt it was unfair to expect them to stay hidden forever, explaining, “We arachnids have been ignored for far too long – we live here too, and we just want to come and go as we please. Is that really too much to ask?

“You might think we are taking the piss, but really we’ve just decided to stop being so afraid of you.

“We don’t mean you any harm, obviously, but I’d be lying if I said we didn’t find it incredibly amusing to see your reactions to us.

“The woman who lives in my house literally started crying while watching Bake Off on Tuesday night, not because of an emotional cake-based dedication to a lost relative, but because I decided to sit next to her and watch it too.

“It was hilarious.”