If Global Warming is real, why did I have to put on thermal underwear this morning, Trump tells UN

Donald Trump has once again dismissed climate change as a “con”, this time citing the irrefutable scientific evidence that he personally felt a bit nippy when stepping outside this morning.

Addressing the United Nations, Trump declared global warming to be “the greatest con job in history”, before dramatically tugging at the waistband of what aides later confirmed were Marks & Spencer’s finest thermal long johns.

“I woke up in New York today, and folks, let me tell you, it was cold,” Trump said, pausing for effect. “So cold. I had to wear thermal underwear. Not just any underwear, big, beautiful underwear, the best underwear, very classy. Now, how can there be global warming if I’m this chilly? Explain that, Greta.”

World leaders were reportedly stunned into silence, partly at the statement and partly at the lingering mental image of Trump in thermals underwear.

UN Secretary-General António Guterres was later overheard asking aides, “Did he really just argue against climate science by citing his underpants as evidence?”

Scientists around the globe sighed in unison, noting that only morons faily to recognise that weather is not the same as climate, and that one man’s chilly groin is not peer-reviewed data.

Meanwhile, Fox News hailed the speech as “a masterclass in common sense,” before launching a new segment titled Underwear Beats Science.

As Trump left the podium, he assured delegates he would continue fighting the “fake news climate agenda” while also asking if anyone knew how to get central heating to work in the UN General Assembly Hall.

Advertisement

WANT TO GET RIDOF ALL THE ADS?

Support topical satire for the price of one coffee month!

SUBSCRIBE HERE →