Genocide is always bad, unless we’re the ones doing it, insists Israel

As the UN declared that Israel has committed genocide in Gaza, Israel has moved to remind the international community that the most despicable acts in human history must never be repeated, except under certain permissive circumstances.

Israeli government spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “Genocide is an evil scourge on the face of our planet, unless of course we’re the ones doing it.

“As a nation founded by Jews, we recognise that the systematic slaughter of an entire people must never, ever, ever be allowed to happen again. Unless, of course, those people are seen to be an enemy of Israel, in which case their extermination is wholly justified.

“The deliberate targeting of civilians in order to eradicate or displace them is something that must be confined to the distant past, and to the eternal shame of those who perpetrated such atrocities. Unless Benjamin Netanyahu tells us it’s okay to do it this time.

“We thank God that we as a people have managed to learn from being the victims of such evil, and can continue to live in peace as the Chosen People, once we’ve eradicated everyone we don’t like within a thousand miles of our border.”

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