Taliban condemns Reform UK’s treatment of women

The Taliban have condemned Reform UK’s treatment of women, insisting they would never work with a party who refused to sack an MP convicted of assaulting his ex-girlfriend. 

“I don’t care how much money they’re offering, we would never work with such horrible people,” admitted Taliban Supreme Leader Hibatullah Akhundzada.

“Have you seen how some of these guys treat women? I mean, James McMurdock was literally convicted of assaulting his ex-girlfriend and Reform didn’t even sack him. He only left the party because of some dodgy business deals. And even then it’s because he quit, not because they let him go. These really aren’t the kind of people we want to be getting into business with. It would go completely against our morals. 

“Obviously we’ve been criticised in the past for our awful treatment of people, especially women, but we’re nothing compared to these guys. I personally don’t want their money. Not until they at least clean up their act a little bit first. 

“Also, I do wish Richard Tice would stop speaking to the press about making a deal with us. He needs to get over the fact that Reform are a bit too extremist for our liking. Just tell him if he doesn’t stop banging on about deporting people here I’m going to put a fatwa on him. 

“That should shut him up.”

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