Nigel Farage delivers deportation speech with St George’s cross painted on his face

Nigel Farage further cemented his patriotism today by announcing Reform UK’s five-year deportation plan ‘Operation Restoring Justice’ with a St Georges cross painted on his face.

“I actually wanted to be a cat,” said a disappointed Farage, coming out of the official Reform UK face-painting station. 

“What sort of face-painting station only has red and white? Obviously I want to look patriotic, but he could’ve at least made me into Spider-Man or the red Power Ranger. Is that too much to ask?

“The worst part is when I saw Richard Tice had his face painted like Lightning McQueen. How come he got to be something cool?

“I had to spend the whole day listening to him say ‘Ka-chow!’ to everyone he met. They loved it. It’s so unfair!

“It put me in a terrible mood for my speech. I usually love talking about sending foreigners back to where they came from. Trust me. If I went up there with my face painted like Deadpool you would’ve seen a much more impassioned Nigel Farage.

Instead I had to go up there with this boring old cross. People kept calling me ‘Lamp Post’ all day. It was horrible.

“I didn’t even get a goody bag.”

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