‘Goring to death pricks with rifles helps to keep their numbers under control’ insists Cape Buffalo community

A Cape buffalo in South Africa has defended the goring to death of a 52-year-old American millionaire big game hunter this week, insisting that “sometimes you have to cull the idiots to keep their numbers down.”

The hunter, who flew in to South Africa’s Limpopo Province from the US to prove he was braver than an animal that weighs over a ton and can run faster than him, reportedly stalked the animal with high-powered rifle before the buffalo “politely declined to be shot” by launching him skyward and then giving him a very personal anatomy lesson with its horns.

Speaking from a watering hole, herd spokesbuffalo Simon Williams told reporters, “We don’t enjoy doing this, but there are simply too many of them.

“One minute you’re chewing grass, the next there’s a sweaty man in camouflage pointing a gun at your head because his yacht club pals dared him. This is just basic population control to ensure nature’s delicate balance is restored.”

The buffalo community has long complained about rising numbers of wealthy middle-aged men in khaki attempting to pose triumphantly over freshly killed wildlife.

According to park officials, the new goring initiative has already led to a 40% reduction in smug Instagram posts featuring captions like ‘King of the Bush’ and ‘Who’s the apex predator now?’

The Trophy Hunters Association condemned the buffalo’s actions as “deeply unsporting,” insisting that if animals start fighting back, “it could ruin the entire concept of big game hunting”.

Williams was unmoved, “We tried warning signs. We tried death stares. Now we’re using horns.

“Nature is healing.”

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